Thursday, 6 October 2011

Parenting Handout Required? Part Two

Yesterday I posted part one of my ridiculous parenting manual. Here is part two:

3. You have no boundaries. You should parent like me.

I think you are confused. One could group parenting in four styles:
a)Authoritarian (conditional)
b) Indulgant/ permissive
c) Authoritative
d) Uninvolved

Permissive parenting is not the same as authoritative / unconditional parenting.  In permissive parenting styles there is no boundaries, children are left to do as they wish. In respectful parenting, the child-parent bond is paramount. Children are not overly controlled, if there is an issue it is resolved through respectful discussion. The source of the issue is tackled in a compassionate way, rather than the resulting behaviour punished.

I consider the style we are aiming for to be peaceful / respectful. We have boundaries - these are set through modelling and the child's intrinsic need to be with his tribe, rather than fear.

4. Why don't you use praise, rewards or punishment like me. I know what I'm talking about, I am a good parent, people tell me so. And a teacher so do explain doormat?
Yes Miss. Please read the link. Praise and rewards are the different sides of the same coin. Over 70 studies have shown that extrinsic motivators are not merely ineffective long term, but can be counter productive. They damage self esteem and the child's authenticity because the child becomes addicted to pleasing others.

5. Authoritarian parenting is the only way to parent, I should know. Why are you not doing as I say?
I do not agree. I believe that authoritarian parenting that uses shame, punishment, and manipulation is damaging long-term, despite it being so effective short-term.
 I believe parenting peacefully or with respect(unconditional parenting) is better:

Note respectful parenting is NOT permissive parenting ( where there are no boundaries). Instead children are parented to feel loved without conditions. Boundaries are modelled or enforced with respect. Milestones and development are generally child led because the parent respects and trusts the child.

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