Monday, 31 October 2011

Talking to the Little You

The boy who shares my life was going to school one day, and as we were leaving he told me that a little boy who I shall name Timothy was being put in a naughty chair “all of the time”.  When I asked what naughty meant he said it meant he was not being nice, when I asked how he said he wasn’t sitting as the teacher wanted him to, and pushed, hit and hurt other children. I just felt very sad for Timothy because for a boy of his age 5-6 years to be wanting to hurt other children he must be feeling hurt himself, frustrated, misunderstood even. And to be punished for that just doesn’t seem fair. 
I understand that it is not appropriate to hurt other people but I thought it could be handled differently, and singling him out and sitting him in a naughty chair must just compound his ill feelings towards himself and others.
I thought about if I met Timothy, what I could say to him to make him feel better – all I could think is that he would want to feel understood.  I thought about what I would say to him, and then I realised it was what I would have wanted someone to say to me.
I can remember being may be 7 years old and playing hopscotch. This friend of mine was playing really excitedly and freely and I got really irritated and angry, may be because I couldn’t play like that, and when she went to jump over me I purposefully tripped her up. I can remember how it felt, how satisfying it felt, how it healed some hurt or at least reduced it for a while. But I can also remember the shame I felt about feeling like that.

 I would say something like: ”When I was at school I used to hurt other children and I didn’t want to do what the teachers wanted, do you know how that feels? I am so happy you understand, I always felt like no-one understood. And I hurt inside and that made me want to hurt other people. Do you know how that feels. That makes me feel better knowing someone else gets it. And you know, when the teachers or my mummy or daddy told me off, it just made me feel worse. It made me feel wrong but what I was feeling was right and perfectly normal. Do you know how that feels?” 

And then I thought about the boy who shares my life and how I loose perspective and empathy with him. May be if I saw myself as him more it would allow me to respond to him more compassionately?

Sunday, 30 October 2011

Boundaries Part Two

I also trust that the children who share my life will learn things as they need to without being taught. Some people may say that children need boundaries in what they are allowed to say and do. If you have an issue in what a child says that is your issue surely and if it triggers something, then that is an opportunity for you to heal. As an example, I was sat in the car talking to the boy who shares my life, and he turned around and shouted “be quiet, stop talking to me” and it got louder and more angry when I questioned him. I normally would have gotten angry and not known what to do but yesterday I sat in it. I said nothing and I felt what he had triggered – it wasn’t really anger it was deep shame and self-hatred and resentment. Partly because he was just repeating what I had said to him(and really shouldn’t have). Manners are taught through being respectful. I have written about this before but I really believe that being told to say thank you, please etc robs a child of their ability to learn about gratitude, because they are being humiliated and shamed to parrot expressions!
I have been told that I need to push him to socialise. Well he is very chatty to people he meets that he instinctively trusts. When we go out and someone talks to him that he doesn’t want to talk to, I am not going to humiliate him and call him “shy” or push him to “say hello” because I trust his instincts. There are some people that we just get a bad feel for and I do not want him to loose his ability to know himself. I am there to talk to them and be the source of manners, and he will learn small chat from seeing me.

Another area of self regulation is with food – as a child we are told when and what to eat. What if we never were? People wonder why there are so many unhealthy people who overeat and have completely lost touch of what they need to eat, or to eat when only hungry, to distinguish thirst and hunger– well is it really a surprise when from an early age purees are shoved in unwilling babies mouths, babies are weaned before they are ready, children are coerced, forced, bribed to eat even just one more spoon or to try something, disallowing certain foods when someone thinks they have had enough. Imagine baby led weaning and trusting your baby knows exactly what to eat and when (I am not talking junk food which is in effect a drug and no-one is able to regulate because the hydrogenated fat and refined sugar is addictive). As an example, one of the baby girls in my life is going through a phase of just wanting to eat yoghurt, I trust that it is a phase and after a few days she will recognise that her body needs something else – so I’ll wait it out. Again my son was not baby led weaned, and I went through a naive period of using reward charts to get him to eat and now he has little self-regulation so I need to step back and let him learn to self regulate again before it is to late.

The difference being in the first list of imposed boundaries, to the second set which I do not impose which I have been told I should, is that in day to day life we don’t play on a road so neither will the children who share my life – it is always dangerous, we don’t play with chemicals – but we do have confidence in what our bodies can do and we do have faith in our ability to use basic tools.


  • Aldort, Naomi. Raising our children, raising ourselves. (paperback)
  • Aldort, Naomi. Trusting our children, trusting ourselves. (CD)
  • Graham Brent. Teresa. Parenting for social change.
  • Grille, Robin. Parenting for a peaceful world
  • Jackson, Deborah. Letting go as children grow. (paperback)
  • Jackson, Deborah. Three in a bed: the benefits of sleeping with your baby. (paperback)
  • Liedloff, Jean. The continuum concept.

Saturday, 29 October 2011

Boundaries Part One

I cannot be sure, but from most of the authoritarian parents I encounter, they believe me to be permissive/indulgent, even somewhat neglectful due to my different opinion about boundaries.

 There are (if you did wish to categorise) four styles of parenting – authoritarian (traditional coercive, socialising style), neglectful, indulgent/permissive and authoritative (helping, respectful style). I consider myself to follow the latter.

The difference being I can gather, is regarding trust, interference and whether you guide them respectfully with love, or not at all. I am consciously trying not to use control measures to train my children like manipulative use of praise, punishment, rewards, or evaluation so may be that is seen as neglectful. I tend to watch and be a guide when required. For instance if my son brings me a picture, I don’t praise or evaluate like “oh wow good boy, aren’t you a good drawer!” I just validate his own expression of achievement so he relies on his own standards and feedback.  For instance I would mirror his emotions and say “I see it, I see your picture. You have used lots of colours. When did you learn to draw like this? You figured it out by yourself!” But anyway, back to boundaries!

I feel extremely frustrated about the accusation that I have no boundaries. I know my failings because I have analysed myself to death.  They are that I can be inconsistent, too emotional, I let myself be bullied and I can be very indecisive and that means that I am not strong in myself – a big fail. But I am working on all those areas.

But will I create more boundaries for the sake of fitting in? No, I cannot do that because my lack of control in is purposeful. I shall explain after exploring some boundaries I have in place. Safety is where I draw the line – I child proof rather than say no all the time, because then no really does mean no. I remember being in a supermarket and seeing a boy walking around with his dad who was saying “no don’t walk like that , Oliveeeer don’t touch that, Oliiveeeeeeeeer NO NO NO don’t walk there, no don’t walk so fast, no Oliveeer can you not see you are in his way….”. Any one could see that Oliver was blocking out his dad’s incessant whining and any “no” coming from his lips wasn’t taken seriously because his dad’s over control created a world, where Oliver didn’t know what he should be doing at all.

So some examples of my boundaries: I have created a child free kitchen when I am cooking by child proofing it and placing a baby gate across the archway, playing with chemicals and wash powder is a definite no, eating soil is a no, eating anything poisonous or breakable is a no, no walking on a road, not playing with glass, no hot water, basically anything dangerous and without an opportunity to learn .

And here is where I may shock you. Because here are some boundaries that I probably should impose for social reasons but do not, and I will explain why. My children as babies have or will be introduced to climbing, scissors, knives, graters and peelers, and stairs. At around two years old (and definitely by age 3), my son was able to use a knife to chop vegetables, he could grate himself cheese, and peel vegetables. When I see the children who share my life trying to use tools, I guide them. If I am using a pair of scissors and a little pair of hands tries to grab them, I validate “yes, I see you want to use the scissors, let us explore together – you see these blades are sharp, I never touch them ouch ouch,  this is what they are for – we cut things” and I guide their hands to hold the scissors and we cut together. Some might say I am encouraging them, I would argue that they are in less danger of accidents because they know how to use the tool properly and do not have the same unnatural curiosity about these objects that other children do.  My opinions about stairs and climbing have changed since the boy who shares my life has grown. When he was a baby, I was a lot more fearful and did not trust that he knew what his body could do, I can see now that my fears have become his fears. I taught him not to trust his body and he now has a lack of coordination and lack of trust in his physical ability that brings on raging feelings of guilt in me.
Every time he went to climb or he lightly fell, I would rush over grimaced face giving him the impression he could not trust himself to know when he was upset or what his abilities were. Since then I have learnt that children know what their bodies can do WHEN left alone to learn without interference.  As an example, if you look at babies from tribes who live in high up tree houses, they do not fall. If you look at tribes which have deep holes dug out in the ground, the babies crawl to the edge, look down, then crawl away and never go close enough to fall in. It is not because they have the fear of God in them but because they have been left to explore and discover for themselves. As I am sure you have experienced, being told not to do something doesn’t make you not want to do it, it just makes you even more curious.  For most children taught not to do things out of fear, they’ll just wait to do it when the source of fear is not around!
Can you imagine the trust involved from the mother? Seeing your baby crawl across, and look down a huge drop? Can you imagine. Can you then imagine knowing your baby needs to learn themselves and letting go? Well I tried an experiment at home. One of the babies that shares my life was constantly trying to climb on the table, and I started off by pulling her off constantly. Then I remembered to trust her so she could trust herself. I saw her going to climb and I smiled benignly and went about my business. Next thing I see she is sat on top of the dining table helping herself to a piece of fruit.    I then watch as she tries to back off the table, she lays on her tummy and pushed backwards – she missed the chair and dangled her legs down. At this point I got very nervous and wanted to “save her”. I walked closer but did not touch her. I watched as she pulled herself back onto the table, she then shifted over and repeated the movement until she made contact with the chair. She then sat in the chair, very content. She repeated this three times and then went off to play on the ground. She learnt how to climb on and off a table, without accidents, without intervention because she had confidence and trust in herself. She has since learnt to climb the stairs and comeback down, as has her sister (both 15 months). I cannot lie and say I trust them enough to do this without me around, but as they gain confidence so do I. Now I can sit at the bottom of the stairs waiting for them to come down, seeing how happy they are with their own ability.
The difference being in the first list of imposed boundaries, to the second set which I do not impose which I have been told I should, is that in day to day life we don’t play on a road so neither will the children who share my life – it is always dangerous, we don’t play with chemicals – but we do have confidence in what our bodies can do and we do have faith in our ability to use basic tools.



  • Aldort, Naomi.  Raising our children, raising ourselves. (paperback)
  • Aldort, Naomi.  Trusting our children, trusting ourselves. (CD)
  • Graham Brent. Teresa. Parenting for social change.
  • Grille, Robin. Parenting for a peaceful world
  • Jackson, Deborah. Letting go as children grow. (paperback)
  • Jackson, Deborah. Three in a bed: the benefits of sleeping with your baby. (paperback)
  • Liedloff, Jean. The continuum concept.

Saturday, 22 October 2011

Being an Authentic Child

This week I went with the boy who shares my life to a Tae Kwon Do class.  I watched as he followed the instructions, trying to do sit ups and jabs and reverse jabs, he was so happy. At the end, all the children were learning a sequence, and I watched as he copied as best he could and then at the end shouted "YAH!" along with the other children.

I was amazed at the freedom of his expression - how he really didn't care what anyone else thought of him, didn't care if he was doing it "right", he was so at ease with himself. I recalled how awquard I felt in my own skin, even up until recent years and how even now, I probably couldn't do what he did. I would just have felt so selfconsicous, so embarassed,   so afraid of negative judgement. I am so entrenched in fear that I often miss life's opportunities. So damaged.
And as I watched him, long awaited tears fell down my cheeks, I gulped in pain. I was so proud of him the emotion was brimming. I was just ecstatic with joy that he was so free.

Since then, I have been thinking about how to not damage his authentic expression.  How can I stop his confidence being damaged? May be there are no gaurentees, but I believe with care, with self care too, I can be the mother that I need to be to protect him when I need to.

I am getting closer and closer to pulling him out of school. After two months of school, he has been taught about retribution, seen children punished when in need of healing and learnt how to be controlled with punishments and rewards. I am sure he has learnt lots of positive beautiful things, like....  when a mother came in to talk about alternatives to houses, and meeting a builder, and discovering about the past 100 years. But I am just not sure that I want to risk loosing his creativity and authenticity? Whilst so many children thrive in school, it isn't suitable for every child because it caters for one type of personality, one type of learning style.  The trouble is I don't know if it is his style and deep down I doubt it is.

All I know right now is that I am so lucky to share my life with these children.

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

Child Stealing and children learning eugenics in schools


Bankers have been funding military like training programs in schools with the teaching of eugenics. They have also formed a charity which isn't so charitable - Barnados and then I learn about child stealing.

I wouldn't believe it had I not seen so much evidence.

And this in England? What sort of society are they trying to create? This goes against everything I believe in for children and societal change.

Saturday, 15 October 2011

All by myself...

I suggested to my husband that doing a foundation course in non-violent communication would be very worthwhile for our marriage and family life, even his career. I let the seed sink in, it grew, and then he went off for the weekend.

I'm happy for him but am spending the weekend with my children but without him. Saturday has been fine so far but as night creeps in, I'm less amused. Why is it I feel perfectly confident in the day but now it is dark, even though I am surrounded by little bodies, I feel a little nervous. Feminist as I try to be I want a man in the house - not just any man, the man who shares my life.

But it is for a good cause I remind myself. You see Captain Underpants lacks empathy and finds it very hard to communicate without being.. hard. He says
what am I? Tin man?
I read recently that authoritarian parenting with all the forced "thank yous" and "say please" actually stops you feeling pleasure and gratitude because instead you feel manipulated and humiliated. As an example I didn't ask the lovely boy to say his Ps and Qs - so when he says thank you it is true gratitude. He can learn about English manners soon enough.

But I digress - what is non-violent communication? It is basically a way of communicating with compassion, removing all the beliefs and judgements and evaluations - a way to truely listen. Guess I'll be trying it all week and giving a report next weekend. I heard it has changed the dynamic of some families, I shall wait with hope!

Wednesday, 12 October 2011

More than a Bottle

Monday is the day we do a baby/ toddler sign language class. I walked there, (scrutinising the sky for chemtrails - just in case) battling against the Autumnal winds.  In the hall, I settled down with the girls who share my life, metal water bottle in reach. Babies soon flocked over, wanting to explore the shiny beacon in front of us. As the babies arrived over the hour to explore my water bottle I smiled at them and the mother acknowledging them and showing I didn't mind. I watched the mothers' reactions knowing in any given day, at ant stage of my life, I could be one of these mothers:

Some mothers raced over to remove their child, saying "that's not yours"-   Others called their babies "nosey", and one pulled them away saying sorry their baby was trying to steal. One mother scowled disapprovingly and raised her voice repeatedly saying "no", until the child was removed from the vicinity of the bottle.

The most thought provoking reaction was a mother who started scowling and shouting as soon as the baby started to crawl over, the baby sat 5 inches in front of me. I smiled and the baby started to make a noise similar to a wince, her hand darted in front of her and then back to her body. She did this several times. I cannot know what she was thinking, but I guess she was so used to being told off that her need to explore was inhibited with her uncertainty. I nodded at her to gesture it was okay and she gently touched the top. At this point her mother rushed over, yanked her off the ground grumbling "mummy told you no, I SAID no!". A minute later, the baby started crying, I wondered if she was finding a reason to cry and therefore find healing. The babies' mother watched her cry, and was only when another mummy exclaimed that she was crying that the mother responded. I felt really sad for both the mother and the baby, because clearly there was a connection missing. The mother sad, angry, resentful; the baby distressed, emotional needs unmet, unsure and fearful. What saddened me most was that the baby didn't seem consoled when her mummy comforted her.

How would I have responded - in an ideal world, on a perfect day:

I would probably have had the thought they shouldn't play with someone else's bottle, then I would have questioned it and realised it wasn't true. I would have let them explore and waited incase I was required. If the bottle owner seemed uneasy with the baby playing with the bottle, I might have left it for her to tell my baby. My baby will learn about the world given these opportunities. Otherwise I would have gently gone to my baby and expressed my empathy - yes I see, I see you want to play with this bottle but this lady wants to keep it herself. I understand that you want to play with it, can I offer you another bottle/toy? And if they cry, comfort them.

I feel so much frustration and anger that people don't realise that there is another way, that in my trying to be respectful and unconditionally loving I get so much opposition.

Friday, 7 October 2011

Petitions against Child Abuse Guides

Today I would like to share a petition posted in the link below by Dr Momma blog. Amazon are selling books on how to abuse your child, really hard to read the exert giving detail of what to buy to whip your baby: Please sign the petition - Just to lighten the mood sharing this picture (now if I did publish a back-at-you parenting manual, I'd have to get this on the cover:

Thursday, 6 October 2011

Parenting Handout Required? Part Two

Yesterday I posted part one of my ridiculous parenting manual. Here is part two:

3. You have no boundaries. You should parent like me.

I think you are confused. One could group parenting in four styles:
a)Authoritarian (conditional)
b) Indulgant/ permissive
c) Authoritative
d) Uninvolved

Permissive parenting is not the same as authoritative / unconditional parenting.  In permissive parenting styles there is no boundaries, children are left to do as they wish. In respectful parenting, the child-parent bond is paramount. Children are not overly controlled, if there is an issue it is resolved through respectful discussion. The source of the issue is tackled in a compassionate way, rather than the resulting behaviour punished.

I consider the style we are aiming for to be peaceful / respectful. We have boundaries - these are set through modelling and the child's intrinsic need to be with his tribe, rather than fear.

4. Why don't you use praise, rewards or punishment like me. I know what I'm talking about, I am a good parent, people tell me so. And a teacher so do explain doormat?
Yes Miss. Please read the link. Praise and rewards are the different sides of the same coin. Over 70 studies have shown that extrinsic motivators are not merely ineffective long term, but can be counter productive. They damage self esteem and the child's authenticity because the child becomes addicted to pleasing others.

5. Authoritarian parenting is the only way to parent, I should know. Why are you not doing as I say?
I do not agree. I believe that authoritarian parenting that uses shame, punishment, and manipulation is damaging long-term, despite it being so effective short-term.
 I believe parenting peacefully or with respect(unconditional parenting) is better:

Note respectful parenting is NOT permissive parenting ( where there are no boundaries). Instead children are parented to feel loved without conditions. Boundaries are modelled or enforced with respect. Milestones and development are generally child led because the parent respects and trusts the child.

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

Parenting Handout Required? Part One

I keep getting asked the same questions by the same relatives, especially one, so that I can be talked over, ignored and then she has an opener for a two hour session of her saying what I do wrong by using respectful /unconditional parenting practice. I started writing a pamphlet to hand her, until posting it on Greenparent realised after someone pointed it out that if I defended myself I was giving her the upper hand and making her think I had something to defend! It also came tomy attention that while she spends so much time stating that my son has no boundaries, she is the one without boundaries, and certainly without respect. Ouch.

But I shall share some of my answers - see if they are useful or you can add to them!

1. You're obviously not doing a good job parenting, look how unhappy your son is, he needs boundaries. I know much better than you, explain why you won't listen?The reason why my son has been unhappy the last 6-14 months are reflective of a huge change in our lives ( arrival of two babies) the fact we are generally unsupported, isolated and alone. He is mirroring my behaviour.

Any mother who has no emotional support would really struggle. Typically mothers left to be unsupported are much more likely to abuse their children and commit infanticide.

Since having J I have received little acceptance or support. While you may consider that untrue, from my perspective, acceptance means leaving someone to be as they are without withdrawing approval, attention and without criticism.

I am presently at the stage of considering moving to an area where I can find emotional support, alloparents and more likeminded networks. I feel that I don't really know myself, having always been so sensitive to pleasing others, I often just feel torn, "wrong" and I guess I am just components of what everyone I have ever met who told me I should or shouldn't be or do.

2. Why don't you punish him (i.e. dominating and controlling children) he is crying and at his age he shouldn't / he wet the bed/ helped himself to something out the fridge/ doesn't want to wear the shirt I just bought him ? :
Here is an article about the cost of shame: (basis of your parenting style)

We live in a control dominated society. Most parents styles use control to make children behave in a manner that fits with the adults belief system. Children are manipulated with shame (i.e you're too big to do that), praise, rewards and punishments. Praise and punishments are different sides of the same coin.

Most parents believe the assumption. . that children need to be controlled, shaped, taught. They believe that nature is wrong.

Throughout history minority groups in the USA and empire (disabled, Asian, Irish, gay, lesbian, women, etc) have been considered uncivilised and unable to make their own decisions and have been controlled. I believe this historic injustice is still alive today in the ill treatment of children.

Babies are born able to crawl to their mother's breast, they know how to breathe, they know to communicate their needs. They know when they are hungry, when they need to be held, they know how to heal themselves with crying, they know when they want to start eating and how to learn to crawl and walk. But adults interfere because they were controlled as children, that is all they know, they believe it is the only way). They were never trusted so they are scared to trust their own instincts, and the children who share their lives.

Babies are forced onto schedules and well-meaning midwives tell us they "should" go through the night at this age, they shouldn't cry to be held, at night they "shouldn't" need mummy so they "should" be left to cry, they "should" sleep away from their mother, and they "shouldn't" trust their own body to know what and when they want to eat solids so adults innocently give them unidentifiable mash and coerce and bribe them to eat.

And this control gets worse as the baby turns into a toddler, worse as the toddler turns into a child. There are no tantrums in a loving respectful mother-child relationship. There might be frustrations and expressions that a mother is in tune with, but the child is always right.


Is the New World Order Killing Us All

Today I've been reading about the Iluminatu/cabal/guardians and their century's old plans to control and kill off the population. If you look at the World Banks plans - a lot of what they are planning is coming to fluition or has passed. Strangley it has been said that a staged alien invasion would bring all nations as one, and let the NWO take charge. The plans to do so were apparently in operation since the 1940s and that is why we've slowly been groomed to accept the existence of aliens, or so I read. But imagine my surprise when The New Scientist had a small piece on aliens, like their existence was accepted?

Apparently we're being drugged using chemtrails
But what worries me is that I have a lot of the symptoms and recently have seen a lot of planes flying over.

I know you cannot believe everything you read - there are so many conspiracies. But what if TV, media, commercialism, what if it is all a ruse to control us, use us - and now we are no longer needed? I am just going to keep an open mind...

Monday, 3 October 2011

School Days

My son has just started school. There was much trepidation in him starting, due to the fact that his school ( like most)  is very much built on the philosophy that children need to be taught and controlled.

From the way society is going, it is clear that conditional love and fear based parenting practice isn't working. I want my children to enjoy learning. Schools can extinguish the joy a child naturally feels when learning, they either do "work" because they are addicting to pleasing their teachers and parents, because they're competing with peers, because they're going after rewards, or because they are scared of failure (and we know greatness comes from learning from mistakes right) - so traditional school doesn't follow my wishes for my children or any child for that matter.

Praise/rewards and punishment are different sides of the same coin.  Over 70 studies have shown that extrinsic motivators are not merely ineffective long term, but can be counter productive. They damage self esteem and the child's authenticity because the child becomes addicted to pleasing others.

On Friday I get a letter from his school saying he has been selected to join a special communication group where he'll learn to make eye contact, to not talk unless his turn, to make and keep friends, to have empathy etc. I do not believe that children learn these things by being taught. I don't tell my son to say thank you, I model it - and no he doesn't say thank you all the time, but when he does it is true genuine gratitude. If as soon as I gave him something, I said "say thank you" I'd take away my joy in giving and worse, I would have robbed my son of the opportunity to contemplate and feel gracious.

Children don't learn empathy from being told about it - they learn from seeing it, experiencing unconditional love.

You might ask why he has been selected - well I never said I was perfect, and these are my ideals that I need support to carry out. This is my aim and I'm getting closer.

Interesting reads:

Alfie Kohn

Naomi Aldort

Teresa Graham Brett

Robin Grille

Please note: My blog is now open for comments

Sunday, 2 October 2011

Barefoot Walking

Barefoot walking is therapeutic according to 19th century priest Father Sebastian Kneipp from Germany. I'd heard of reflexology and knew that gait can be improved when walking barefoot, but Father Sebastian suggested that a disease he had suffered from was cured. I believe that walking barefoot is good for circulation too. What was interesting was how grounding it was.

We visited an outdoor nature centre, and paet of the experience was a barefoot walking trail. It started off (as you would expect) with the removal of shoes. Babies in slings, and our son holding Captain Underpants hand, we began on latticed rubber matting on mud; that was pleasant enough. The next sensation was a cold muddy waterbath, it was refreshing and a gentle start. The ground under foot gradually became more stoney! The most painful was a waterbath with stones and some coal type rocks. The bed of large rounded stones and log rolls was like a pleasant massage. To finish there was a trail of straw, hardened clay and a squishy mud bath!

I know I always tend to over analyse, but I stopped and spoke to my family about how it really did feel like a therapy. In the moment when you are walking on sharp rocks, there is nowhere else you can be. And it was so grounding to be focussed on each step.

In that moment I woke up. Not in the sense that I wasn't tired, it was rather the opposite, as if I stopped to listen to my body and I felt how exhausted I am. 

I googled Barefoot Therapy and found out there are holidays! I think for now I will dream about building my very own experience in my back garden...

Saturday, 1 October 2011

MARY HASKELL [1873 - 1964]

Nothing You Become
Will Disappoint Me

Nothing you become will disappoint me;

I have no preconception that I’d like to see you be or do.

I have no desire to foresee you, only to discover you.

You can’t disappoint me.

This is so beautiful. I keep reminding myself of this in moments when I forget that the children who share my life are a gift from God - an opportunity for me to know beauty.

A Day in the Sun

I always find that it doesn't matter how bad I am feeling, how tired I am, how caught up I am in my negative thinking, as soon as I go outside and potter around the garden,  or go for a walk on a sunny day, I just feel great.

Today we had a long day out, we drove to our nearest town, parked and began strolling through the park down to the town centre.  We went to the health food shop and bought some freshly cooked spanacotas (I cannot spell it - spinach in filo!)  and lentil flan, and with babies in slings still walked to the Buddist cafe. I am so astonished at far one of my babies walked today, she was unstoppable!

I have been reading Deborah Jackson's book "Letting go as children grow" and while I am not even halfway through, it has really illustrated that as far as I have come, I am still trying to control my children. She explains that children, when left to explore naturally, do so safely. (Of course not in front of cars or with chemicals! But within nature they explore and understand their limits). So I have had tolet go because constantly trying to limit one's child can decrease their confidence and   actually hamper their development, making situations less safe for them. She also claims that you can make exploration more dangerous for your child by introducing fear and expectations that can then occur because of the seed of doubt - i.e. if a child is happily balancing on a wall and you say "arghhhhhhh! Look at you, you'll fall!" then knowing that, they'll be thinking about falling and thence fall, when not knowing that they may not have.  Roll on today when my baby is climbing everywhere  and I am having to not look at having to let go. She is climbing onto our dining chairs, then onto the dining table and crawling around eating fruit and then clmbimg back onto the chair and onto the floor. I watched as she once, twice tried to climb down from the table top where there was no chair.. she quickly pulled her legs back up and located the chair andsafely got herself down... on our walktoday Ihad to trust she knew how far she could walk and tried torespect her will and it was enjoyablebut notsomething I can do without support. Two babies need two adult hands!

Okay the kangaroo has nothing to do with a walk in England, I took it in Australia but this kangaroo illustrates the heat of the day and my sense of being in the moment!

Head shake moment of the day: Watching my husband watch the "four candles" sketch on uTube... again.