I thought over the next fortnight I would review some of the recent books I have read.
For me having struggled to attachment parent in an authoritarian culture, reading Naomi's book was like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally - yes, yes, YES! At last I found a voice that supported my views and also challenged me to build on my skills to be a trusting loving model of a parent.
If like me, you started off with the best intentions but worry whether your child actually feels loved (even though of course you love them) this book is a great read. This book is to help parents raise themselves to be the parent their child needs them to be.
Naomi suggests you use the rewind technique and the SALVE formula to eliminate parenting based on negative taught behaviours and beliefs. She recommends when your child does something that pushes your button, like spilling milk, that you:
S stop and separate your thoughts from the action. Run how you are about to react in your head, then think I want to be loving instead.
A give your child attention
L listen to your child
V validate their feelings as right
E empower your child
Naomi believes that the child is always right. That our parenting capability is clouded by our limiting beliefs. Authentic parenting is not to be confused with permissive parenting - see my earlier blog - there are boundaries but they are imposed in a way that allows the child to be authentic and feel unconditionally loved.
The difficulty is how to do it. I reread the book three times and I struggled to know what to do. I have found that Naomi's book is best supported by the free podcasts of her speaking on iTunes and some of her CDs. She also has a website with FAQs. However if you keep using her SALVE formula, it gets easier because you start listening to your own natural instinct and therefore parent authentically.